Category: Blatherings

Alyssa asked me to tell her a story over IM. So I did. And since I had already typed it all out, I figured I might as well make you all suffer just like she did when she was reading it. Anyway, here it is, unedited:

there was a little boy named Jimmy
Jimmy grew up in Arkansas
His daddy was a farmer
and he didn’t have a mommy
it was just him and his daddy
they lived on the farm that had been passed down through the generations
there was a man named hank
who came and bought the produce from Jimmy’s dad, Bruce
Hank and Bruce came to become good friends over the years
in fact, Jimmy and Bruce rarely saw anyone but Hank
Jimmy always wondered why his daddy did not like other people
but it didn’t bother him much
they always asked Hank for certain odds and ends from town
and in fact, Bruce didn’t even send Jimmy to school
he didn’t want Jimmy interacting with the other kids much
but Bruce wanted his son to be educated nonetheless
so he had Hank buy books for Jimmy
he tought Jimmy how to read
but beyond that, he didn’t know much
but since he had books, he could teach himself things
when he was 15, he decided that he was starting to get interested in Economics
unfortunately, he didn’t have any Economics books
he didn’t ask for much from his daddy, but his daddy always got him whatever he asked for
so the next time Hank came by, Bruce asked him to bring back an economics book
“Bruce,” Hank said, “sorry, but the price of corn has gone down. There isn’t enough to cover the cost of a book.”
Jimmy was let down, but he wasn’t one to complain
It was a year later, and the price of corn still hadn’t gone up
Jimmy was getting tired of the books that he had
so in his boredom, he set out to town
he had to try to find a way to make some more money
There, he saw another farmer, who sold his produce himself in town
they got to talking, and Jimmy explained how he just wanted some more books
the conversation got to the subject of the price of corn
“Yeah I’m just here in town today to pick me up a new pair of snakeskin boots! On sale for $150! What with the price of corn going up, and all!”
Jimmy was shocked
“You must be confused, old man.”
Jimmy walked away only in half belief of the old man
he didn’t want to believe him
but at the same time, he had to find out more
he trusted old Hank, so he decided to go find out more
he went to Hank’s office, but no one was there
He stepped in the door, and went to the desk to write a note to Hank. He started to write – “Hank, we need to talk. Thanks. – Jimmy”
as he placed the note on a piece of paper on the desk, he saw the price being paid to other farmers
it was far more than what was being paid to old Bruce
he was already very mad, but he had to find out more
he went rifling through the file cabinet, and found out that poor Bruce had been swindled his whole life by Hank, but never this bad!
all in all, Bruce was owed over $30,000
Furious, he went home to Bruce
he explained the situation; Bruce was heartbroken
Bruce was so distraught, that he just retired to his bedroom
come next morning, Bruce did not come out for breakfast at normal time of 6:30am
Jimmy knocked on the door
Bruce said, “I’ll be out soon.”
7 am came, then 8am
by 9am, Jimmy knew that Bruce would not be out for a long while
after checking on his father and seeing him just curled up in bed, Jimmy decided that he had to take matters into his own hands
he could not stand to see his father like this
Jimmy hopped in the tractor, and lumbered along at 15mph to town, 40 miles away
2 hours and 40 minutes later, he arrived
he drove right up to Hank’s office
in fact, he didn’t just drive right up to it
he drove right THROUGH it
the office was now split in two
on one side was Hank, sitting dumbfounded at his desk
Jimmy was about 130 pounds; Hank was about 250 pounds and known for his great strength
nonetheless, Jimmy walked right up to Hank’s desk and looked him right in his eyes
didn’t say a word
Hank opened a drawer at his desk
and pulled out…
his checkbook
he walked right out of the split open office, due east
(the farm was west)
for two weeks, no one saw or heard from Hank
Jimmy tended to the farm while Bruce lay in bed most of the day, only coming out for meals
after the two weeks passed, Jimmy discovered an envelope in the mailbox with no return address
it had two items in it:
a blank check made out to Bruce
a small slip of paper that said “sorry”
Jimmy cashed the check for $30,000 and upgraded the farm significantly
Hank was never heard from again
unfortunately, Bruce just wanted his friend back
the end

It’s the middle of my first week without a job. It is going great so far. I’ve been waking up at a decent time so far – 7:30 to 8am. And I’ve made it to the library and reached my study goal each day.

If things keep going as they are, I’ll be able to pass this first test within about 2-3 weeks. If I had a job during all this, you can guaran-damn-tee that it would take me months to be able to pass this first test. I honestly feel so much more productive without a job.

Dear Guy that Peed on the Toilet Seat,

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Stuart Matthews

You can measure the change in your life by the change on your keychain.

This pretty much sums up all that is wrong with the world: Parker Brothers releases version of Monopoly using debit cards instead of cash

Seriously, who doesn’t love having a big ol’ wad of Monopoly cash?

Following up on yesterday’s post about global warming, I thought of another example of an unnecessary argument. This one has to do with gay marriage.

Social conservatives sometimes argue that it is a choice to be gay, not something that you are born with. The liberals bite.

It shouldn’t be about why someone is gay. It should be about equal rights alone. It should be about being able to marry any consenting adult, whether you are straight or gay, or even if the relationship based completely on friendship alone – a “life partner” type arrangement.

There are a few things that I believe in strongly enough where I think that the other side is just plain wrong. Global warming, for me, has quickly become one of those issues. Saving ourselves from rapid climate change must be one of our very highest priorities.

Some of the arguments from the other side are absolutely absurd. They don’t have anything to stand on, so they just start making shit up. Even those that agree that there is or might be global climate change argue that if we were to do something about it, it would ruin our economy.

And the rest of us give in to this argument. Not give in in terms of agreeing with it. But we give in when we even argue that at all. We let them change the argument. Now it isn’t about global climate change, it is about the economy. First of all, our footing isn’t nearly as steady when talking about the effect on the economy as it is when talking about science – things like CO2 emissions and temperature change. Even if it was as solid – What is the point? Our main argument is that we are putting ourselves at risk of massive flooding and millions of deaths worldwide. Who cares about the economy when faced with these prospects?

This post inspired by this post on ThinkProgress.

Patience is a bitch sometimes. And so is only getting a few hours sleep, even for just a couple days.

A high five is not great unless it hurts.

Furthermore, I will likely delete this in the morning.

Maybe not. That may or may not have been added for comedic effect. I have Biff here reading what I type, and the combination of my typos and his drunken verbal screw-ups are highly…amusing.

Done. (If I wanted to be artsy, I would say “fin.”)