Intellectual Stimulation and Psychological Trauma

I have found myself disinterested in TV, movies, and YouTube recently. I find that they haven’t been tickling my brain. I’ll often start some movie or TV show, and go to bed after 30 minutes, never to come back to it. Even the new Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones shows I only made halfway through each, and those are my wheelhouse.

Historically I have found political and futurist lectures or interviews to be the most compelling. But whereas I essentially “blame” myself for my disinterest in TV and movies, in this case I think I’m going to blame the lack of content. My main political draws in the past were Noam Chomsky, Glenn Greenwald, and others like them. Chomsky is obviously quite advanced in age so his commentary isn’t as insightful anymore. And Greenwald fell off the deep end quite a long time ago.

The futurist content has long been disappointing to me. I find that it is often quite shallow. If not that, it’s too specific on one small topic or too far in the future. I yearn for people speculating and debating in depth on 5-to-30-year time frames. I’ve looked quite a bit and haven’t found much.

I long ago lost interest in video games through no intentional act of my own.

I need to find something to scratch my intellectual itch. Maybe it’s spiritual exploration? Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s more in-depth reading. One problem with this last one is my time is quite limited. My time is really limited mostly to about 30-to-60-minute chunks after the kids are in bed. I’ve recently been running quite a lot more while trying to keep a baseline up on my powerlifting, so I have to go to bed early to get up for running, leaving little time to stay up at night. On a side note, I am hopeful that this, to me, “extreme” level of exercise has been very helpful in preventing my frequent headaches. I am hopeful, but the truth will be borne out by more time.

I could certainly do some in-depth reading during these 30-to 60-minute chunks. I am afraid that after a long day of exercise, work, family, and chores, it may feel like work instead of the relaxation that I may tell myself that I need. However in writing this all out I think I have convinced myself to give it a shot for a few nights and see how it makes me feel.

Topics of reading could be on AI, geopolitics, economics, or other things.

Now, on to the next topic on my mind tonight. I have thought this for several years now, but I really do wonder if the psychological damage done to me mostly by my son will turn out to be permanent in some way. I suppose I am still a stable and dependable person, and I have found my ways to cope with the daily trauma I experience. But I can’t help but wonder if many years down the line I will be suffering effects from this period in my life. I guess that’s what therapy is for, though.

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